June 28th. Columbus, Ohio. The Ohio Theatre.

Tickets to Tom Waits.

Dustin: That beer is a go.
Vrax: Wanna drive 3 hours for a party after the show?
Bernie: Please find me to discuss.

TOM WAITS TICKETS! I CAN HAS THEM!

So, Marianne is up for work and visiting stuff this weekend. She bought me a present. It is a Care Bear, from a quarter machine. Except I looked at it and realized it is Polyamory Bear! Below is a pic:

See the double hearts? Yeah. Polyamory Bear. Totally is. Yup.

(I did not find the image or write the text on this one. I just enjoy it.)

So there is a new video game out. Wii Deca-Sports. It has CURLING. Yes, really.

That was the 2006 Olympic Curling final. This video game has kick-ass Curling action! NON-STOP CURLING EXCITEMENT!

Think of it! With the Wii remote you can prolly throw the big stupid weight thing or work a god damn brush and sweep the ice! You could possibly do either amazing skill from the comfort of your own home.

CURLING! From the people that brought you THE LOONEY AND TWONEY! It’s CURLING! Here have a video of Jennifer Jones winning the Canadian Curling championships in 2008:

Shit, I hope Hammerpants buys this game! I wanna CURL! I WANNA CURL SO BAD! I WANNA BE THE JAMES BROWN OF CURLING! Fuck! Fuck yes! Fuck! CURLING!

Tickets will only be sold via the internet and by phone and are limited to two per person. All of the shows are at 8 PM, and there’s no opening act. The band will be: Larry Taylor (bass), Omar Torrez (guitar), Patrick Warren (keyboards), Casey Waits (drums and percussion) and a reed player, not yet named; performing hollers, mambos and rhumbas.

June 17 - Phoenix, Az at the Orpheum
June 18 - Phoenix, Az at the Orpheum
June 20 - El Paso, Tx at the Plaza Theatre
June 22 - Houston, Tx at the Jones Hall
June 23 - Dallas, Tx at the Palladium
June 25 - Tulsa, Ok at the Brady Theatre
June 26 - Saint Louis, Mo at the Fox Theatre
June 28 - Columbus, Oh at the Ohio Theatre
June 29 - Knoxville, Tn at the Civic Auditorium
July 1 - Jacksonville, Fl at the Moran Theatre
July 2 - Mobile, Al at the Saenger Theatre
July 3 - Birmingham, Al at the Alabama Theatre
July 5 - Atlanta, Ga at the Fox Theatre

All tickets are due to go on sale Friday, May 16th.

More info here.

And yes the tour is called “The Glitter and Doom Tour.”

Launched from their doomed home planet, the Golden Cats are attacked by the forces of Social Securi-Tarr and make a crash landing on the planet Flori-Daa. There they find the land in ruins, due to the evil machinations of the vile Bingo-Ra. Together, they vow to fight, and win, the freedom of their new home! They are THE GOLDEN CATS!: Dorothy-O, Rosygra, Blanchro and Sophtara!

Sophtara: It’s too damn sunny out.

Rosygra: The sun is so nice and warm though. I enjoy it.

Sophtara: You would. Freak.

Blanchro: Will you two both cut it out? Yowling all the time! Lordy.

Dorothy-O: I hate you all. But we’re needed! In battle! Quick! Golden cats! Golden Cats! GOLDEN CATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Blanchro: We’re right here.

Dorothy-O: Oh, right.

Roseygra: And Blanchro is the only ho here.

Sophtara: It’s true!

Blanchro: Can’t you both shut it?

Yes! It’s THE GOLDEN CATS! Four heroes out to save the world! All of it! The whole world! Just four of them! With slightly candy blue hair! And maybe a cane, sometimes. But still! The world! Saving it!

(via Variety, via Yendi)The Weinstein Co. will turn the Jim Henson series “Fraggle Rock” into a live-action musical feature.

Cory Edwards, who directed the animated “Hoodwinked!” for TWC, will helm the picture and write the screenplay. The Jim Henson Co. will produce and TWC will distribute.

Just like the series, the film will be populated by a mix of human characters and Fraggle Rock puppets. TWC co-chair Harvey Weinstein, who has been steering his company more aggressively into the family film arena, made the marriage with Lisa Henson, who runs JHC with her co-CEO brother, Brian Henson.

Ahmet Zappa will be exec producer with Brian Inerfeld.

Pic will take the core characters Gobo, Wembley, Mokey, Boober and Red outside of their home in Fraggle Rock, where they interact with humans, which they think are aliens. The show premiered on HBO in 1983, ran five seasons and was broadcast in more than 80 countries. It posted strong sales recently when the first three seasons were released on DVD.

* No matter how bad things get they will be resolved before the next major crises comes up.

* Always make plans in a huddle, in the corner of a dark room.

* Listen for music cues.

* Any addiction can be treated by simply admitting you have a problem and then coordinating a group hug.

* No one poops.

* When you come down the stairs in the morning, it’s best to pause at the bottom and stare off into the distance, with your arms held slightly out. This will center you.

* If you notice you don’t have any ethnic friends, you suddenly will have one, who will teach you all about his ethic background by saying two words in his native language and laughing.

* No one ever brings work home with them, unless it is part of a larger issue.

* Money kinda just happens, unless the loss of money is part of a larger problem.

* School bullies will be stopped by teachers.

* All crime can be forgiven, simply by saying you’re sorry and returning the merchandise.

* Even though the staff probably make minimum wage they are treated like your own family members, if not better.

* Underage drinking only ever causes hilarity, and forgiveness is a hug away.

* The guy who owns your local diner is the funniest, nicest man you will ever meet, despite the fact that he looks like a local mobster / criminal.

* All girls are simply one hard math test away from falling for the geek.

* Being a nerd leaves you alone, but still surrounded by people, all the time, who: laugh at your jokes, hate to have you around, ask for your help, secretly love you and think highly of you though they’d never admit it.

* All political leanings are simply a character flaw.

* Everyone gets exactly one pimple at a time.

* Sharks are for jumping.

[And now the notes section: I didn't put in a "at the end of 30 minutes" because damn it I remember two-parters. I also, it must be noted, was raised in the 70s/80s. So the sitcom rules apply to that period. They are different now, to be fair. Not many but some. "What I Learned from Watching Arrested Development" is a totally different post, for example. And one I might do. This list is far from definitive, hence "A Few" at the start. I also wish to say that I was raised on a sitcom diet of Facts of Life Diff'rent Strokes, Brady Bunch, I Love Lucy, Cheers, Family Ties, Full House, M*A*S*H, Mork and Mindy, Happy Days and The Cosby Show, to name a few. I still look up if I hear "Sit, Ubu, sit" and call Ron Howard "Opie Cunningham" in my head.]

Got to the bar early. So I just wandered in. Lights were mostly off, M and Miran were sitting around talking. The band was staggering in. The clock was turned off. Yeah I was a bit early. Not that it mattered.

M was exhausted, it turned out. She had just moved (two weeks ago she was off looking at a new apartment: since then she has gotten it and moved in already) and spent all day painting. when I say all day I mean she got up at the crack of fuck-you and had painted until she realized she had to be at work.

Which just makes everything funnier. Because a very tired M is an M that isn’t inclined to do much of anything. Except sit and raise an eyebrow. Miran got into the habit of “M, I need a… oh I’ll get it myself,” by about 9. Yeah. That was the kinda night it was. The clock was its own issue. Plugged in, looking fine, the clock just didn’t turn on. So we’re sitting around talking and I catch a flash out of the corner of my eye.

The clock had turned on and then off very fast. So M wiggled the plug and look! the clock works. Until it cut back out an hour later. Fuck the clock. Fuck it up its stupid ass. Of course that meant that every ten or fifteen minutes M would turn to me in a rush and ask what time it was.

Their food got there and M and Miran started to eat. Just before they did, M went to get me a beer. She wanders back, chattering away, sets my beer in front of Miran and sits down. Miran and I look at each other. Then we lose it. I mean, sure, it was an interesting night but I didn’t think it called for Miran to start drinking that early. Sheesh.

It was, I repeat, that kind of night.

M told us about this ass over the weekend. Apparently he started some shit in the back of the joint and then to the front, still going on. M followed him and he started telling her to “shut the fuck up” and how her job was to take his orders. So, and M was proud of this, she took his 99% full beer bottle and poured it over his head. Now, pouring out a beer like that over someone takes time. This guy just stood there in utter shock.

But back to the very sleepy night. Because it was one. At one point the band leader came by and chatted for a few, like he’s taken to, and took my name and address because, it turns out, sometimes they throw private parties for regulars. Which I am now going to be invited to. And as cool as that is? Really I think I am just on their mailing list now. Let’s be honest here.

Yeah it was sluggish and quiet and slow. Which fit. And so we left, as we always must, and took a cab home. Which is when we had a cabbie with the best name in quite some time.

Took cab home with Hammerpants post-bar. Recap tomorrow like normal, but this I had to share right now. I noticed, after a few, the cabbie’s name. I took a picture.

His name, if you can’t read it, is Mohamed Bah. Or as it says on the license: BAH, MOHAMED. BAH! I wonder if he knows anyone with the last name Meh.